I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
