I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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