Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
