my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
