just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
