everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
