Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
