believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
His hands were made for my vagina.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
