wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
