census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
