Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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