there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
