I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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