Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
