i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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