It's Friday. Sex?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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