I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
