She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
