Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
