I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
