I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
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