I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
