He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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