i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
