i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
