It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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