Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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