All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
