when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
