she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
