he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
