I can tuck mytits in my pants
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
