My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
