The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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