this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think my moral compass just broke
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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