I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
