Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
