I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
