At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
