I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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