You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
