I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
