mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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