stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
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My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
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You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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