I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
