I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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