Moan for me like Helen Keller
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
