Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
