Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
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Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
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