just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Panties = found
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
