it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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