i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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