Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
