So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
