Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
