is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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