It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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