I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
