i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
