The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
