He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
