My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
