Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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