I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
