Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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