I wish my penis had an off switch
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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