1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
