You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
