And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
