You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
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