To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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