Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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