Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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