so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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