Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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