He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
