Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
