How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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