one two three fourrrrnication!
two words: eviction party
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She even gives head with a lisp.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
