there's paper in my vomit.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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