You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
PANTIES FOUND
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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